Kids, and Other Things That Know Better Than Us

The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur recently came out with a list of user-contributed “155 Ways to Work at Home Without Distraction.”

First thought: Sucks to be #155. No-Scroll-Land is lonely.

Now, I definitely believe working remotely is the cubicle of the future (read: my fantasy of Tweetlater-ing for a major firm while tanning in Tahiti). I’ve been doing the work-from-home dance since my work at SunMicro last summer — this past summer, I was half-PR monster for a kickass nonprofit, half-Auntie-Det-Det-I’m-Hungry-And-Bored.
I’m not a parent, but I’m also dealing with kids at the home-workspace like most of TE’s contributors.
I’ve picked up a thing or twelve about distractions at home.

Things I’ve Learned About Working at Home with Mini-Monsters

Bad Parenting 2.0
Bad Parenting 2.0

1. If you’re trying to multi-task between work and kids, give up.
Not only will it make you Hulk-like frustrated, but let’s get real:  The kids are cooler than work is. The kids need you more than work does. The kids will think you love work more than you love them. The great thing with kids? They sleep, and it will be the most glorious work-silence of your life. But as long as they’re awake, I’m am hereby enabling you to put down the laptop and play Disney Karaoke.
You’re welcome.

2. Be Prepared to Flip Your WorkSched
I wake up whenevz. I hang with 7 year olds till the sun goes down. Then when they’ve tired themselves out, I act my age. I’m like the friggin’ Tooth Fairy to my co-workers. They log on in the morning and ask themselves, “What magical pixie fairy sprinkled 3 flawless blog posts and 18 Tweetlaters as I slumbered? Be it witchcraft, Sister Winifred?” No. Stop that.

Sing it with me, Selena fans: Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and Do. Mah. Thang. & Thanks to Tim Ferriss’ productivity methods, my 2-3 hours of home-work actually look and feel like 7-8 hours of being an office zombie. However, this tip isn’t recommended for people with, uh, spouses and/or social lives.
We can move right along, then.

3. Y’know what? Just get the hell out of there.
Hire a babysitter, pretend to work at the closest office and hoard a cubicle. Bring headphones to Starbucks. Find a quiet library. You can ignore the children there as much as you like, and never feel like it may have detrimental effects on their self-esteem and/or ability to commit!
Here’s how I managed: I worked until the kid inside me said, “What they’re doing is cooler.”
Who has a better handle on the real fun of life…
Than the ones who don’t care to know about anything else?

Click to Answer!Don’t lie. Are you going to name your kids something suburbocaucasian?
Like, Madison or Reese or Piper?

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